corona bride

I have a lot of thoughts these days

These days where I’m planning a marriage

And a meal and a party they call a wedding.

In the midst of a global health crisis

That I’m not even sure is as bad as they tell us...

But i feel i cannot say that

I feel I cannot say much these days.

But i have a lot of thoughts these days

As the world turns and necks crane to watch this spectacle called our nation

One who has set stages destined for victory

Now beckoning giggles from nations around us

I’m here and i have a lot of thoughts

Why is America so obsessed with itself?

How did this tunnel vision take over?

Why do we put ourselves against one another?

What benefit do we have from hate?

And the infliction of pain for the sake of righteousness

Righteousness?

I have a lot of thoughts about righteousness.

I wonder if i am

Righteous

And it seems silly to cry over a burnt grilled cheese

But actually this burnt grilled cheese for my soon-to-be husband means a lot to me

And maybe it’s the straw that broke this camels back

But somehow that charred broken bread sets me off into a whole many more thoughts

Will i be a good wife

Is this my calling

How can i love someone so much

I’m afraid of losing my own opinions

I’m afraid of losing him

I’m afraid I’ll love so hard I’ll explode

I’m afraid of retreating

Needing

Asking too much

Being too much

And maybe it’s the charred black bread that’s making me cry

Or maybe it’s the state of this world.

I’d much rather cry over this bread.

I fear if tears begin to seep out of these eyes,

If i begin to mourn this world around me

those streams may never stop

And i don’t want mascara on my wedding gown