What the Heck Am I Doing (part 2)

I continued to pray desperately for a $20,000 donation to Unify Greenville as I got up morning after morning to make overpriced lattes. During those days, I was meeting regularly with a friend who had committed to helping me find a solution to the problem with Unify, as well as to listen to me jabber on about how confused I was about life. We discussed my growing desire for travel, and the opportunities to learn about ministry that were starting to present themselves. We took as objective of a look as possible at the situation, and realized that since we had no money, no people, no ideas, and really no desire to keep going, that it may be time to put some things on hold. 

So, in early December, we made the decision to press the "pause" button on Unify Greenville. It was one of the toughest decisions I've ever made... No one tells you how to make the big decisions in your life. However, the 24 hours after I made that decision, I have never felt so full of Holy Spirit. I immediately felt excited to get out of bed in the morning. My desire to spend time with Jesus had returned. I wanted to spend time with people. I was hearing from God again, and it changed everything. 

After that major turning point, I finally felt free enough to begin looking into other ministry opportunities, I felt free enough to dream again, and that is exactly what I did. I dreamed of travel and missions more than anything, specifically in Europe. Around that time, my amazing parents surprised me with a trip to England and Paris to visit my absolute best friend. Expectation and excitement began to fill up my life like never before as I anticipated all God was going to do in my two weeks across the Big Lake.

Let me just say, I had no idea what was coming. The life change I experienced in those two weeks I spent abroad was equivalent to adding up every retreat, Young Life camp experience, missions trip, and church camp. God. blew. my. mind. He showed me what true adventure was, what it looked like to trust Him in the physical realm, moment to moment. In addition to that, I was able to sit in on the ministry/leadership classes my best friend, Mary Kate, was taking and God began to show me that my life was about to change dramatically. At that point, I had no idea what it would look like, but I felt somewhere specific in my heart, that my life would soon be on the move. When you feel something like that, you get pretty freaking excited... However, I told Jesus that if He was going to move me to Europe (or anywhere else) that He would need to make it INCREDIBLY clear. 

And that's exactly what I got... After traveling on two different train rides, a car, and a shuttle, I finally settled into the seat on the airplane that would carry me back to Greenville, SC. The exhaustion had fully set in, so when the flight attendant told us we wouldn't be taking off for awhile because of a mechanical delay, I was immediately annoyed. At that point, I remembered what Mary Kate had texted me earlier that morning on the train ride to London.

"Hey. Don't stop listening to Jesus as you travel home today. I feel like He has more to teach you on the plane."

Peeved as I was, I opened my Bible app on my phone to Psalm 42. Pause. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ PSALM 42-45, GO DO IT. IT ROCKS. Play. I started reading, and was amazed to find David crying out to God verse after verse, but God was silent. It felt eerily similar to the first 6 months of my year. However, David continues to praise God, whereas I chose to live on my own for that time. In Psalm 43, there is a turning point. God speaks to David, and there is a fresh outpouring of Holy Spirit in David's life. Hmmm... exactly how I was feeling at the present moment. Then I came across a verse that was already highlighted on my screen, in bright pink, nonetheless. 

Psalm 45:12 "Now listen, daughter, don't miss a word: forget your country, put your home behind you. Be here- the king is wild for you"

I almost threw up. 

I burst into tears, to the dismay of the sweet man in the seat next to me. Not 5 minutes later, we took off. The Lord had kept me on the ground, it what was then Europe (S/O to the U.K. for being crazy), just to tell me "be here". I immediately paid the outrageous price for in-flight wifi and began to search deeper into the missions opportunities I had been dreaming of the month before. 

Here are a few pictures from the trip that changed my life. These are from Wales, England, and Paris.

Endless Love,

M ♥️

This is the poor guy sitting next to me when I burst into tears. No worries, he fell asleep soon after and I was able to take a selfie//

The caption is accurate. We became bffs real quick.

Macaroons because Paris...